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Posted by Theo Levine on March 19, 19101 at 23:00:07:
FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE
Anarchists Claim Responsibility for Seattle Earthquake
March 2, 2001
Contact: Green Fire, email@example.com
After three nights of continuous violence by the Seattle police
department during Seattle's Mardi Gras celebrations, something had to be
done. A black and green clad circle of anarchist Witches calling themselves
"Green Fire" decided to strike back. "It's been like this ever since the
WTO. Any time people get together, the police break out the riot gear.",
said an anonymous Green Fire member.
An earthquake was suggested and quickly agreed upon and then the
impromptu consensus debate began. First it was the ethics of magic and
non-violence. The view that "we are just the manifestation of the 3-fold
law" prevailed over those predicting dire returns on the magic. The 3-fold
law states that
anyone who performs a negative action gets it back 3-fold.
Then the question became what and how big. Suggestions that "we blow Mt.
Rainier while we're at it" were rejected as too violent, as were calls to
level Paul Allen's new $500,000,000 stadium. In the end, the anarchists
decided to stick with tradition and break all the windows in Seattle.
"To help raise energy", our anonymous source continued, "we centered the
earthquake in the Nisqually area where the Weyerhaeuser Corporation is
building a golf course on ancient burial ground sacred to the Nisqually
tribe. Those First Nations spirits are powerful."
"The quake had to be big enough to look good, but deep enough so that people
didn't get hurt", our source added. "And, of course, the `message' people
had to have their fun. Indeed, fearful that the anti-corporate message would
be lost in all the window breaking, the `message' witches directed parts of
the quake specifically at corporate targets. T.V. viewers around the world
have seen the damage done to the Starbuck's world
Boeing, leader of the military-industrial complex, was shaken and was denied
all electricity. In what is hoped to be divinatory karma, Boeing, without
any power left to it, was forced to cease all operations and go home.
Finally, Microsoft's Bill Gates was also a target. The earthquake was timed
to go off just as Mr. Gates approached a podium to give a speech. When the
quake started, he was reportedly jumped and knocked over by his own security
people "trying to protect him". The symbolism here is
The institutions of government were not spared by the anarchists.
Washington Governor Gary Locke, whose budget proposal cuts funding for low
income services, is now experiencing life as a homeless person himself. The
governor's mansion has been closed for safety reasons in the wake of the
In what was perhaps its most symbolic act, the earthquake cracked open the
Capital Dome in Olympia, allowing light to shine into that den of backroom
deals and late night "negotiating sessions".
Seattle Mayor Paul Schell reacted swiftly to the earthquake. In
consultation with governor Locke, he has declared a state of emergency. A
50 square block area of downtown Seattle has been declared a "No Earthquake
Zone" and police have orders to use tear gas, pepper spray, and rubber
bullets on any earthquake trying to enter the area. The earthquake's closure
of the King County Court House, however, promises to hinder any attempts at
"Seattle has always been a open city, but we will no longer tolerate rogue
natural elements coming to our town just to cause trouble", the mayor was
quoted as saying.
"Gaia can really kick major corporate butt when She puts her mind to it" was
the response from one Green Fire organizer who is hoping for another
"shaker" action at the upcoming FTAA meeting this April in Quebec.
Note: The APL (M-L) [Anarchist Party of Louisiana (Marie Laveauist)] is
considering a similar, but voudou-based, action here. The party has
discovered that with proper gris-gris a single strategic hurricane could
destroy Freeport McMoRan Corporate Headquarters, the City Council Chamber,
the Governor's Mansion, and David Duke's place on the North Shore.
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